Beyond the Couch: Expectations and Learnings in Therapy
PUBLISHED ON: May 20, 2024
WRITTEN BY: Sharon Jeon, AMFT
Have you felt lost or overwhelmed in your process of therapy? Are you struggling to see if therapy has been working for you? Whether it is your first time in therapy or you have been in therapy for a season, therapy can feel confusing for many individuals. For those of you who may be feeling hesitant about starting therapy or you are confused about your experience, our hope is to offer insight on how the therapeutic process may be and to lay out some honest expectations for you.
Therapy feels daunting- even when you’re ready
The idea of allowing yourself to show the messiest and broken parts of yourself doesn’t come easy, especially to a stranger. You are putting yourself in a vulnerable position of breaking harmful negative patterns, exploring your hidden traumas, and grieving the unmet dreams or losses you’ve experienced in life.
Sometimes, individuals that start therapy question whether or not they could open up to a stranger about their pain. If you are feeling uneasy about therapy, check on yourself to see how the process of therapy is sitting with you. It is meant to be a safe place and your therapist is meant to help guide you in these doubts.
It is essential that you feel a sense of security in your relationship with the therapist to express your thoughts and feelings about how therapy has been feeling for you. Therapy can initially feel daunting for everyone- there is no shame in feeling uncomfortable or nervous about it. The fact that you are in therapy now is something to be celebrated and it is a therapist’s honor to walk with you in your journey.
Finding the “right” therapist
What does it mean to find the good fit? For some, you may feel an instant connection with your therapist, but for most individuals it takes time to build rapport. Therapeutic rapport refers to the caring and supportive safe environment and relationship that a therapist and client will build. This is essential to creating a healthy therapist-client relationship for you to feel safe and understood.
It is ideal if you match well with the first therapist you see, but sometimes they may not be a good fit for you. Take your time during the initial phone consultation and observe how you feel when you speak with them. You would want to leave the conversation feeling seen and comfortable enough to build a long-term therapeutic relationship.
If you are not feeling that way after a couple sessions, you can always bring it up with the therapist to see what is the best for you. Every therapist has their own set of strengths and characteristics that could work well with some, but may not work with others. Essentially, picking a good therapist can feel a lot like dating. You may find that the first one can be a good fit for you, or you may want to try working with others to see how you experience therapy differently.
As easy as it may be to feel guilty or apologetic, don’t be afraid to seek another therapist as every therapist wants you to find the best fit for your needs. Finding the therapist that matches you best may require some effort, but once you do, you will experience a richer and fuller experience of therapy.
Your therapy experience will look different from others
If you have seen how therapy is portrayed in the media, you often see that every character that goes to therapy may seem like they’re experiencing breakthroughs every session. While this is not completely unrealistic, the expectation that you will encounter an epiphany each time is unrealistic.
As much as therapy provides a space for growth, the process can look different for every individual. Changes may come in small and big waves that you may not feel or see change right away. Once you enter therapy, you learn that your thoughts and perspectives could change as you begin to understand yourself more.
Your growth process may not be linear, and there could be moments of frustration when you face obstacles and roadblocks in therapy. In these moments, it is even more important that you don’t give up on the process, but stay open-minded and not compare your journey to others. Therapy is a process and commitment that requires patience and a significant amount of your own inner work. Collaborating with your therapist by being engaged in session and setting goals will enhance your therapy experience.
You may feel a range of emotions
Are you experiencing a range of emotions that felt unexpected? If you have ever been in long-term therapy, you may have experienced a range of emotions.
The emotions you may experience during therapy can always be a mixed bag; there can be a range of emotions that arise from therapy and it may not always be what you expect it to be. Sometimes you may have feelings of relief from verbally expressing all that you were suppressing, but there are times when you may feel depleted from therapy.
You put in the work and it can feel draining to allow yourself to feel so many emotions at once especially if you are used to shoving those feelings aside. Experiencing this range of emotions is a natural process in therapy, and your therapist will be there to support you through those feelings.
Takeaway
Therapy is not meant to be a quick fix, but it serves as a resource for you to become more self-aware with the insight of a mental health professional. The benefits of therapy can be life-changing as it helps you explore yourself more deeply, identify your triggers and blindspots, and gain tools to build a healthier version of yourself. By giving you some realistic expectations of what it feels like to be in therapy, our hope is that you can feel supported in the midst of any confusion and doubts that may come up in therapy.
Here are some reflections questions to explore:
Did any one of these points stand out to you?
If there were any, which ones made you feel uncomfortable/relieved?
How does this challenge your preconceptions about therapy?
What are you looking forward to in your own therapy journey?
Contact us here today or click the button below to so that we can set an initial consultation with one of our therapists.
Please note: The views expressed in this article are those of the author and may or may not necessarily represent the perspectives of our group practice.